Shadow Killer of Humorous Pranks: Teddy's Secret
by Xnx
Summary: There have been mysterious incidents and attempts of humiliation. They have even more problems when Sephiroth, Rufus, and Shadowy Figure appear. Please read and review. First Fanfic.
1. Prologue

Teddy's Secret  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters.  
  
Prologue: It's Beat up Barney time!  
  
BJ: Are you sure go to the kick-@$$ party  
  
Barney: C'mon I know Mr. T, Arafat, Osama Bin Laden, Hitler, Sudam Hussein won't lay a finger on me  
  
-Highwind-  
  
Barret: We better get ready for the party.  
  
Vincent: This shotgun should do the trick.  
  
Barret: Remember last time it took 18 of those to kill his Fat-over weighted-purple-@$$.  
  
Vincent: I'll Take The Rifle  
  
-In another room-  
  
Tifa: Going to the party?  
  
Yuffie: No  
  
Tifa: Free Refreshments. (Turns around  
  
to find the Yuffie gone)  
  
-Shinra Headquarters-  
  
Reeves: There's going to be a party.  
  
Rufus: Kill everybody, take no prisoners, take their money I need new shoes, just because their heads are cut off doesn't mean their dea-  
  
Reeves: Cloud is going to be there.  
  
Rufus (gay voice): Oo Cloud Ooo should I where this skirt no, no this wedding gown.  
  
-Party-  
  
Barney- C'mon my peeps and my homies on my mystical quest, lets play a nice game of chess.  
  
Barret: It's kick @$$ time  
  
(Everybody beats up Barney) 


	2. Chapter 1: Conflict

Teddy's Secret  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters.  
  
Chapter 1: Conflict  
  
-Barney's House-  
  
Barney comes inside nearly dea  
  
Barney: (laying on the couch) DJ  
  
BJ: It's BJ!  
  
Barney: BJ…my acquaintance…  
  
BJ: Yes, Barney  
  
Barney (yelling): Back away give me some #$&^ air to breath…....... DJ.  
  
BJ: BJ!  
  
Barney: BJ in the second draw on the left is my secret 5,000,000,000,000 in cash.  
  
BJ: (crashes threw the window with money) Screw you!  
  
Barney: (tries walk really fast) Come back here you whooppersnapper *he is so going to get a talkin'' to! *  
  
An hour later Barney finally gets to the door and opens it. Barney get jumped by senior citizens.  
  
BJ: Here is the money, now your end of the deal.  
  
R the Pirate: Ok you'll get your own show on Barney, just you and the kids. (looks at the soldiers) Bring the fruit basket back to HQ.  
  
-House-  
  
Cloud: Bring the pancakes, get movin' women!  
  
Yuffie: (throws a crab at teddy) Ha Ha Ha.  
  
Red IIIX: *she's scheming against me* (runs out the house)   
  
Crab pinches Teddy and runs away.  
  
Barret: Don't take that from a punk-@$$ crab.  
  
Teddy: (when no one looking, he grabs a pan, smashes the crab over and over, then leaves the pan at Vincent's chair and runs back)  
  
Red IIIX: *The psychiatrist said to come back if something's wrong*  
  
Teddy: (runs past him) Ah Ha Ha  
  
Red IIIV: (runs outside) Taxi, to the therapy building.  
  
building.  
  
Tifa: Vincent why did you kill the crab, it was for dinner.  
  
Vincent: I didn't do it  
  
Tifa: The pan has crab guts and it's near your chair.  
  
Yuffie: He didn't do it.  
  
Tifa: Looks who here Ms. Free Stuff!  
  
Yuffie: (looking at Vincent) Well at least I have a boy who is interested in me.   
  
Tifa: (turning red)*what does she know about cloud and I!*If you want some, come and get some.  
  
Yuffie: Bring it on  
  
The two go into minutes of girlish slapping.  
  
Vincent: I see cotton on the handle and you're the only with stuffed animals for children under 7.Which I believe is your so-called "beloved" daughter.  
  
Cloud: Who thought you'd stoop so low.  
  
Barret: What about Nancy the Nanny doll!?  
  
Vincent: (sweating) It was a gift. (Stuffing her inside his pocket)   
  
Barret: So your blaming poor ol' Teddy  
  
Sephiroth: (Breaks through the window) Surrender your food.  
  
Cloud: Don't you have your own servants?  
  
Sephiroth: They put too much syrup so I killed them. Now surrender those pancakes or every waking moment will be in pain and misery.  
  
All (except Sephiroth):(Start to mumble under their breath and let him eat their food)  
  
Sephiroth: Dad, I'm going to need some uh $5,000,000,000,000.  
  
Hojo (pooping while reading the newspaper): Vincent's the only one with a job.   
  
Vincent: This is the fifth time this week, NOOOO!  
  
Sephiroth: Look make with the doe before I kill the H@e (aiming sword at Yuffie's neck)  
  
Be Continued  
  
Does Vincent Have Zip-Zip Zero No Dinero 


	3. Chapter 2: Bobby the Purse

Teddy's Secret  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters.  
  
Chapter 2: Bobby the Purse  
  
-House-  
  
Vincent: You don't want to do this.  
  
Sephiroth: Be quiet blood sucker.  
  
Vincent: Lazy bum  
  
Sephiroth: Rump snatcha.  
  
Vincent: Fart-Launcha  
  
Sephiroth: Corn  
  
Vincent: Poop.   
  
Sephiroth: You very bad person (mumbling)  
  
(the others join calling Sephiroth names)  
  
Tifa: Cheese-breath.  
  
Cloud: Loser.  
  
Cid: I like tea.  
  
Yuffie: Poor.   
  
Barret: Fruit.  
  
Cait Sith: Let's be smart and nice and shake with one another.  
  
Sephiroth: Shut up, Shut up all of you or slice up your Gamboy Advance.  
  
Vincent: You fean.  
  
Sephiroth: Now you'll hear sermon of revenge. First I'll…..   
  
-Mall-  
  
Aeris: *I'm never going to ask for ride from a Hillbilly again.  
  
Hillbilly (girl): Here we are.  
  
Aeris: Thank you. (getting her purse)  
  
Hillbilly (man): Hey that's mine!  
  
Aeris: Sorry, I thought that was mi-  
  
Hillbilly (man): Gimme that (snatching the purse). How dare you take away my only friend. (talking to the purse) Don't worry Bobby, won't it this big nose weed girl hurt you. You get out, flower sissy.  
  
Aeris: (getting out) Why I never you. You Hillbillies can kiss my butt.  
  
Hillbilly: We hillbillies have done great strives in fields of science. (drives away)  
  
-In Barret's Pocket -  
  
Teddy: When Vincent comes to this, the 20,000,000 pound anvil should fall on him, then he falls back outside this 100 story window, he lands on the floor but sitting on a hornets nest. He runs into the pool but its full of water snakes. Then he runs through the window and messes up everybody's dinner. Every body beats him up with their forks and knives. Then -  
  
Imaginary Friend: Don't you think that's enough.  
  
Teddy: No that's the first 5 minutes.   
  
To be continued. 


End file.
